Pregnancy is stressful. That is my lesson in all this. I really had no idea of all the worries that come with being a pregnant woman. I think in my head I expected to immediately grow, sprout some large breasts, and skip along happily until I easily and painlessly popped out a perfectly adorably baby who would sleep through the night and be the delight of the entire family. Well the past three weeks of knowing I was pregnant have possibly been the hardest, most stressful 3 weeks of my life. I cannot lie when I say that sometimes I just want to break down in tears and confess that I cant deal with it and I just want a break.
With this blood clot and this weeks bleeding, I've found myself so concerned that I'm happiest just sitting on the couch and relaxing and putting NO strain on my body. Everytime I walk or move - I worry that i am putting too much strain on things. Then I think - back in the olden day they would work through their entire pregnancy. So along with modern technology comes a COMPLETE fear of being a functioning human being. I know I know it is just an adjustment to things being different and it will only get easier as I get farther along and I can actually feel the baby move - but DAMN I had no idea how much anxiety comes with being responsible for something like a baby and how hard and scary pregnancy can be.
Of course, all of this is outside just the normal fears of "Will I be a good mommy?" "will we be able to afford all the things this baby deserves" "where should we live" "when do I go back to work" etc...etc...
It can truly be an overwhelming experience and I just wish I could have an OB doctor living here 24 hours a day telling me what is ok and what isn't. That would be the MOST awesome thing ever. Can someone arrange that for me please?
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On the flipside..I can't wait until I am showing. I mean...really showing. I find the idea of that IMMENSELY exciting!
4 comments:
I think you'll be a great Mom!
And with a name like Jesus, how can you go wrong?
ah! i can't wait until you're showing too!! hopefully you'll have a visit our way so we can all see :)
there ARE a lot of stresses... even when the doctors don't have to tell you to take it easy due to bleeding!! But, this all sounds like good news.... so ..... CAN I START SHOPPING FOR ADORABLE STUFF YET????
Tali, if it helps, I know you are not alone. I am pretty sure every new mother to be goes through anxiety, fears, tears... worries.
Pretty much all people I know who had babies went through it too.
Just try not the be hard on yourself and do what you think is most natural and comfortable for you. Lying on the couch for a few days is maybe exactly what you need.
And perhaps a bag of M&Ms.
When I was pregnant with Tyler the ultrasound showed he had a cyst in his brain. IT could either be normal brian development or a disease...I forget the name. Anyways, I know what worry feels like. You either have nothing to worry about or even if you do, you wouldn't want any other baby anyways. Enjoy the growing bump.
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