So yesterday was my check-up and all is looking good with the baby. We listening to the heartbeat which was around the 150 mark which is good. The doc said that it should be between 120 and 170 - so we are at the right point. I am always more than relieved to heart that heartbeat and know everything is ok. How did women live before these things existed? It must have been SO stresssful! The doctor did say that it looks like the blood clot is gone so last weeks bleeding was likely the last bit of that. Woohoo.
The doctor then went through m blood test results and it turns out that I am a carrier for something called Fanconi Anemia. I/90 Ashkenazi jews is a carrier and in the general population it is 1/300 however only 1000 people in the world actually have the disease. It didn't make me happy to hear that I was a carrier. The next step is that Nick has to get a blood test and see if he is a carrier. If he is, then onto further testing for the baby to see if the baby has the disease. If Nick isn't, then we are fine and there is nothing to worry about as the normal gene will win out.
It made me sad to hear that there may be a problem, even if I know the chances are slim. I feel like I can't just relax and enjoy this pregnancy because at every turn there is something that make me feel like I can't get attached and really start planning. I just want to hear that everything is ok and I have nothing to worry about anymore. I can't wait to get to that point. Nick is going to go for his blood test on Monday so hopefully we have the results soon. I just want to not have to think or worry about anything other than the baby arriving in a few months. *sigh* I'm so frustrated with all these problems. I sometimes wonder if it was better in the days when they didn't know so much or if it is better to know everything and just feel in a perpetual state of nerves. Hopefully we will know soon.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Venting
Pregnancy is stressful. That is my lesson in all this. I really had no idea of all the worries that come with being a pregnant woman. I think in my head I expected to immediately grow, sprout some large breasts, and skip along happily until I easily and painlessly popped out a perfectly adorably baby who would sleep through the night and be the delight of the entire family. Well the past three weeks of knowing I was pregnant have possibly been the hardest, most stressful 3 weeks of my life. I cannot lie when I say that sometimes I just want to break down in tears and confess that I cant deal with it and I just want a break.
With this blood clot and this weeks bleeding, I've found myself so concerned that I'm happiest just sitting on the couch and relaxing and putting NO strain on my body. Everytime I walk or move - I worry that i am putting too much strain on things. Then I think - back in the olden day they would work through their entire pregnancy. So along with modern technology comes a COMPLETE fear of being a functioning human being. I know I know it is just an adjustment to things being different and it will only get easier as I get farther along and I can actually feel the baby move - but DAMN I had no idea how much anxiety comes with being responsible for something like a baby and how hard and scary pregnancy can be.
Of course, all of this is outside just the normal fears of "Will I be a good mommy?" "will we be able to afford all the things this baby deserves" "where should we live" "when do I go back to work" etc...etc...
It can truly be an overwhelming experience and I just wish I could have an OB doctor living here 24 hours a day telling me what is ok and what isn't. That would be the MOST awesome thing ever. Can someone arrange that for me please?
I
On the flipside..I can't wait until I am showing. I mean...really showing. I find the idea of that IMMENSELY exciting!
With this blood clot and this weeks bleeding, I've found myself so concerned that I'm happiest just sitting on the couch and relaxing and putting NO strain on my body. Everytime I walk or move - I worry that i am putting too much strain on things. Then I think - back in the olden day they would work through their entire pregnancy. So along with modern technology comes a COMPLETE fear of being a functioning human being. I know I know it is just an adjustment to things being different and it will only get easier as I get farther along and I can actually feel the baby move - but DAMN I had no idea how much anxiety comes with being responsible for something like a baby and how hard and scary pregnancy can be.
Of course, all of this is outside just the normal fears of "Will I be a good mommy?" "will we be able to afford all the things this baby deserves" "where should we live" "when do I go back to work" etc...etc...
It can truly be an overwhelming experience and I just wish I could have an OB doctor living here 24 hours a day telling me what is ok and what isn't. That would be the MOST awesome thing ever. Can someone arrange that for me please?
I
On the flipside..I can't wait until I am showing. I mean...really showing. I find the idea of that IMMENSELY exciting!
Friday, June 13, 2008
A Roller Coaster Ride of a Day!
Today was a scary day. I woke up at almost 5 am to some bleeding. Bleeding is easily a pregnant woman's worst nightmare. I was instantly in tears as I woke Nick up and broke the news. I was sure I was having a miscarriage. But the bleeding stopped very quickly and I spent the next few hours sitting in bed feeling extremely stressed and anxious. It was really really terrible. We went to the Genetic counsellor for our session to talk about appropriate testing. It was SO hard sitting there knowing that the only thing in the world i wanted to the ultrasound. I wanted to know if the baby was ok or not and start dealing with it. The waiting was awful
Like a good girl, I sat there drinking my water in preparation for the ultrasound. By the time we left the counseling session I thought my bladder was going to explode (for those of you who haven't experienced the joy of the ultrasound yet, they want you to have a full bladder to help them see things more easily and push the uterus out). By the time they called me in, I was so ready to blow I almost danced with joy. But before there was any relief - she had to have a look around and she couldn't find what she needed to find. I almost cried. Everything inside me just wanted to curl up in a ball and be miserable. She went to get something from the other room and told me I could FINALLY pee. YAY! When she came back in (me feeling slightly better)....she found the baby right away and the little bugger was JUST FINE.
He/she was dancing away in my tummy and the truth came out that sometimes when mommy uses the bathroom, it wakes the little fetus up and that is what she was hoping for - some movement. So the little alien was moving and shaking in there. A lot of jerky movements that looked like hiccups. Then we saw his/her little heart fluttering and the technician turned on the speakers and we heard the best sound ever - a nice, strong, 164 BPM heartbeat.
The relief and joy that ran through my system was electric. I wouldn't stop the tears of relief. I was SO happy to know that the baby was ok.
These ultrasounds aren't as clear, and I had to use some unusual methods to get these onto the blog, but take a look:
In this one, you can see a face in the left corner of the ultrasound. It looks like an alien - but it is MY alien!
Here are a couple of profile shots, you can see a big fat head in the right hand corner:
And finally, this one is upside down because I think it is easiest to see this way, but along the bottom you can see a very defined spine:
So I'm happy at the end of the day to say that it looks like the baby is doing ok. I'm still a small ball of nerves wondering why there was bleeding and how much I have to worry...but I think it is a good sign that we have made it successfully to week 12 (as of today) and there was a healthy heartbeating. The doctor doesn't seem worried so I will try not to be worried. But it is hard to not be concerned about something so precious.
I can tell you that my back is killing me so I am going to post this blog and go lie down in the most comfortable position and just relax for the rest of the evening!
Like a good girl, I sat there drinking my water in preparation for the ultrasound. By the time we left the counseling session I thought my bladder was going to explode (for those of you who haven't experienced the joy of the ultrasound yet, they want you to have a full bladder to help them see things more easily and push the uterus out). By the time they called me in, I was so ready to blow I almost danced with joy. But before there was any relief - she had to have a look around and she couldn't find what she needed to find. I almost cried. Everything inside me just wanted to curl up in a ball and be miserable. She went to get something from the other room and told me I could FINALLY pee. YAY! When she came back in (me feeling slightly better)....she found the baby right away and the little bugger was JUST FINE.
He/she was dancing away in my tummy and the truth came out that sometimes when mommy uses the bathroom, it wakes the little fetus up and that is what she was hoping for - some movement. So the little alien was moving and shaking in there. A lot of jerky movements that looked like hiccups. Then we saw his/her little heart fluttering and the technician turned on the speakers and we heard the best sound ever - a nice, strong, 164 BPM heartbeat.
The relief and joy that ran through my system was electric. I wouldn't stop the tears of relief. I was SO happy to know that the baby was ok.
These ultrasounds aren't as clear, and I had to use some unusual methods to get these onto the blog, but take a look:
In this one, you can see a face in the left corner of the ultrasound. It looks like an alien - but it is MY alien!
Here are a couple of profile shots, you can see a big fat head in the right hand corner:
And finally, this one is upside down because I think it is easiest to see this way, but along the bottom you can see a very defined spine:
So I'm happy at the end of the day to say that it looks like the baby is doing ok. I'm still a small ball of nerves wondering why there was bleeding and how much I have to worry...but I think it is a good sign that we have made it successfully to week 12 (as of today) and there was a healthy heartbeating. The doctor doesn't seem worried so I will try not to be worried. But it is hard to not be concerned about something so precious.
I can tell you that my back is killing me so I am going to post this blog and go lie down in the most comfortable position and just relax for the rest of the evening!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Yeah - you heard me!
So about 3 weeks ago, I visited the doctor, prepared to find out that there was yet another problem with my reproductive system and I was on the verge of having another horrific surgery to ensure. I went for some tests and prepared for the worst. The very next day - coincidentally my birthday - the doctor called and instead of telling me what i feared hearing the most, all she said was congratulations.
I'm pregnant.
I'm sorry. I'm WHAT?
The next day was the ultrasound where i found out I have a small blood clot that is reasonably normal during pregnancy and required me to take things easy. I also found out that I was 9 weeks along. CRAZY! I saw : this crazy little character in my tummy wiggle around. There was a little heart beating (which I cannot lie..I couldn't see). There are arms and legs...well..let me just show you:
So the past couple of weeks have been immensely interesting. I've been a ball of excitement, anxiety, hormones, mood swings, stress...a little bit of everything. I'm a nervous wreck about what this blood clot can cause. I'm aware of everything I eat and drink. I get stressed about every little unfamiliar ache an pain. I read the books obsessively. I'm immensely excited and don't know how I will last 6 months. It is all a little overwhelming and hard to explain to the people around me. I feel bloated and full and hungry all at once. And I Have to pee every two seconds. It is such a whirlwind of feelings.
But overall, I can't lie. I'm really excited. I have an ultrasound on Friday and I CANNOT wait to see this little thing again.I want to know that everything is ok and he/she is growing and looks as healthy as can be. I just want to know everything is ok enough for me to start getting attached to the fact that on December 26th - I'm due to become a mommy. What a Christmas present!
I'm pregnant.
I'm sorry. I'm WHAT?
The next day was the ultrasound where i found out I have a small blood clot that is reasonably normal during pregnancy and required me to take things easy. I also found out that I was 9 weeks along. CRAZY! I saw : this crazy little character in my tummy wiggle around. There was a little heart beating (which I cannot lie..I couldn't see). There are arms and legs...well..let me just show you:
So the past couple of weeks have been immensely interesting. I've been a ball of excitement, anxiety, hormones, mood swings, stress...a little bit of everything. I'm a nervous wreck about what this blood clot can cause. I'm aware of everything I eat and drink. I get stressed about every little unfamiliar ache an pain. I read the books obsessively. I'm immensely excited and don't know how I will last 6 months. It is all a little overwhelming and hard to explain to the people around me. I feel bloated and full and hungry all at once. And I Have to pee every two seconds. It is such a whirlwind of feelings.
But overall, I can't lie. I'm really excited. I have an ultrasound on Friday and I CANNOT wait to see this little thing again.I want to know that everything is ok and he/she is growing and looks as healthy as can be. I just want to know everything is ok enough for me to start getting attached to the fact that on December 26th - I'm due to become a mommy. What a Christmas present!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
